Ann Patchet: The Patron Saint of Liars
p. 131: " I'm saying that I'll do what You want me to do If You just give me some kind of hint about what that is."
I fell into that trap myself: what is my purpose in life? Why am I here? someone just TELL me!
But see, that is actually an abdication of responsibility. Back to the familiar "I don't know". Very sneaky!
The truth as I see it now: There was an agreement upon my purpose/role in life. I agreed to it. I volunteered for it! I have the knowledge inside me, even if I have 'forgotten'. And, I think, the path leading me to the starting point can be found at the point of maximum resistance: what I fight most to stay away from. What I continually resist doing.
Isn't that strange? Seeking something which I turn away from. It bothers my brain to even write such a sentence!
p. 131: " I'm saying that I'll do what You want me to do If You just give me some kind of hint about what that is."
I fell into that trap myself: what is my purpose in life? Why am I here? someone just TELL me!
But see, that is actually an abdication of responsibility. Back to the familiar "I don't know". Very sneaky!
The truth as I see it now: There was an agreement upon my purpose/role in life. I agreed to it. I volunteered for it! I have the knowledge inside me, even if I have 'forgotten'. And, I think, the path leading me to the starting point can be found at the point of maximum resistance: what I fight most to stay away from. What I continually resist doing.
Isn't that strange? Seeking something which I turn away from. It bothers my brain to even write such a sentence!
How fascinating, Amira! I wrote an entire dissertation on this notion of turning away from ourselves when we are confronted with something we don`t feel comfortable with... it`s an extremely difficult concept, and a terribly difficult thing to do. I am so impressed with your journey.
ReplyDeleteDo you know that your comment is the first to show up!! Others' comments vanish instantly, and I can't find out why! [The moderator thing is off]
ReplyDeleteIt is a difficult journey indeed. I'm still trying to get around my resisting self! Then I wonder: maybe I'm supposed to wait? but I don't want to! I find myself needing to discuss things with others on similar journeys. Maybe just opening up about it will diminish the resistance.
Thank you so much for your helping hand.